Hey There Again Everyone...
Well it's a new year and with that comes new experiences and for me new epic failures...I know, I know. It's really hard to believe that after only 2 days into the new year I have already managed to fail at something....ok, so maybe it's not.. ;-)
Anyway...let me fill you in on my situation...While at work on New Year's Eve I got a text from a guy friend of mine asking if I had plans..Since I was working that night I obviously couldn't meet him to ring in the New Year...
Before I continue this story let me give you some background on this "guy friend" first....We met for the first time on a blind date through mutual friends. He is a city boy, raised in a way that I am definitely not used to...I am...well..I am me..Awkward, random, slightly A.D.D (self-diagnosed of course) raised in a tiny one red-light town back country bumpkin me...So maybe I'm not that bad, but I feel like I am compared to him. Don't misunderstand me, he has never ever made me feel inferior or like I was stupid or "country" in anyway..It is all me. Our first encounter was probably the best one for me. The date was perfect, we talked, laughed and never had any moments of awkward silence. It was the best night...From then on, they slowly declined. I seriously feel like this guy has never truly seen me at my best which is probably why I am so down about the events that took place yesterday.
Okay..so now you know some of the background of our friendship. Let me get onto my epic failure that happened with him yesterday... =) So..I couldn't ring in the New Year, but I did get an invite to go skiing..Remember the description I gave of myself earlier on?? lol! I've never ever in my whole life been skiing EVER! However, I know that he loved it more than anything so I kind of felt like he was testing me in a way to see if maybe we would at least fit together that way. Because the more we get to know each other, the more opposite we are. So me trying to be brave and try new things in the New Year decided that skiing was on my bucket list and that I was going to let him teach me. (because he said he would be happy to.) We get to the ski lodge and of course I'm mentally freaking out..haha! I managed to get in the skis and apparently did a good enough job learning the basics that he had me go on the ski lift to the top of one of the runs..This is where it gets bad..I fall on my butt right in front of the ski lift and cause a huge pile up of people..The worker had to pull me up, which was mortifying!! =/ Then we get around to the top of the slope and it's HUGE! Well, to me it was huge and there were a lot of trees and tons of people..I have a major fear of hitting trees. All out panic has mentally set in at this point and the very real fact that there is no other way to get down this thing except literally to go down it..I tried to start out slow and did pretty good; then I picked up speed heard the wind whipping by and I completely lost it! I suddenly forgot everything he taught me and I was stuck flying down a hill on fiberglass strips on my feet...This is when I fell the second time and it hurt! Then I couldn't get up and that was mortifying again!! Long story short I ended up falling once more and completely lost my nerve. I couldn't bring myself to even attempt to go fast again and I'm pretty sure I ended up disappointing him a great deal because I didn't want to go on anymore runs...but he was a total gentleman about it and never said a single negative thing to me...which made it all the more worse for me..
I ended up sending him off to go enjoy himself on more runs while I wandered around and people-watched all of the other talented people on the slopes including the kids that were maybe 3 and skiing or snowboarding circles around me.. =) We made it home, but I could tell I had disappointed him in some way..he was a lot quieter on the way home and just different..even though he never openly said anything. If it isn't totally obvious by now I am totally into this friend of mine and I honestly can't tell what he thinks of me..He is the most confusing person I have ever met and that I have to admit only adds to why I like him.
So that is my fail for the New Year. It's not the worse thing ever and I know that, but I can't help but be frustrated at myself for letting him down and most importantly letting myself down. I am proud that I went and I know for my first time it wasn't completely bad..but I can't help feel crappy about it all.. =/ Which is why I am venting my frustrations on here...
*sigh* I guess I am just going to have to deal with the possibility that he finds me to be a complete idiot and one of the strangest people ever..Even if that's the case, he must like me if he keeps wanting to spend time with me..I don't know..The whole this is an enigma...
Until Next Time.
XOXO,
Julia
