Hello again,
I am doing the very best that I can to stay busy and not dwell on the fact that my due date for student loans is gradually getting closer and that I still have yet to hear back from any of the "real" jobs that I have applied for...I have to admit that it is a genuine struggle to not let the impending date loom over my head like a giant boulder just waiting to mash me into the ground, but I'm doing the best I can by planning fun events with really good friends. I'm looking forward to the prospect of going to GA with a friend to visit some girlfriends that she has down there, it will be the first real road trip I have ever been on without my family..In fact, aside from youth group trips when I was in high school, this will be the first real trip/vacation I have had since I was 6 or 7 years old...I went to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN when I was 12, but that was with my family for my brothers 16th birthday so I don't really class that as a vacation.
As of now I'm still struggling with the fact that my life is no different now than it was when I was in high school...I am dying to have freedom with my life and the ability to have my own place, but I'm still realizing that I'm not in that place just yet...I mentioned this the other day, but it is still in the back of my mind...I also mentioned the fact that I don't really have time for a guy in my life, but that isn't really the case either...I tell myself that I don't have the time, when in all reality I just don't have anyone interested in me right now..I can't really blame them, I don't really see myself as much of a catch right now..maybe if I wasn't living at home, without a job I would honestly be more of a catch to someone...oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait for that too...
The idea that I have to wait for everything to come to my life really bites...I find myself dreading being in this place...It reminds me of "the waiting place" in Dr. Suess' "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" The "waiting place" always seemed like the worse place to be, but somehow without even wanting or intending to end up there I have managed to be detoured there anyway...Believe me, you do NOT want to end up here in the "waiting place" it isn't fun at all...However, if you do end up here you may want to see if I'm still here, so look me up..lol! No, honestly if you find yourself in the waiting place like I have, take a little time to feel bad about it, because if you don't you'll never figure out how to get yourself out of this place to begin with..Once you've felt genuinely bad about it, you can then pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and figure out what to do to get out of it...I'm still on that journey, I'm blinded searching for a way out, I'm trying to find the place with "boom-bands" playing, but I haven't gotten there yet.. =) I'll let you know if it works out for me or not..
For now, I'm content to keep on keepin on...or as someone else might put it I'm going to keep on truckin until I find where I'm supposed to be...I have to admit this blog helps, it gives me someone to tell this to..most of you don't know who I am and those of you who do know me don't really care to let me rant and rave...Thanks for that...until next time...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Guess Whose Back!!
Hey all you blog followers out there...I'm back!! =D
I believe it has been awhile since I have written on here. And now I am officially able to write about anything and everything I want to! I am so excited to have the freedom to write about whatever I want to without having to answer to a professor about it..
Tonight the biggest subject I want to talk about is my life after college..As most of you know I graduated in May 2011 and I haven't looked back since..(okay, so maybe I've looked back a couple of times and had a few peeks in my rear view mirror as well..but that's it I promise!) The truth is, life after college hasn't been what I thought it was going to be at all! I've done really well with my job searches, devoting a portion of every single day to searching and applying for jobs..which is really exhausting when there isn't very many jobs to choose from right now..I really don't want to be one of those English majors with those shirts that says, "I'm an English major...Do you want fries with that?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing anyone that works in the fast food industry, I just don't want to prove some of my family members right by going through 5 years of college just to end up with a minimum wage job, making less than they do...trust me I know that they are just trying to make themselves feel better for not going to college, but their words still have weight..
To explain, I have been told that getting a degree and building up all of those student loans was just plain ridiculous because that degree is no guarantee that I will get a job that is better than what other people have who didn't go to college...I am so ready to become the adult that I am supposed to be, I want a place of my own, I want to have my own responsibilities and be able to buy my own groceries and the things that I want...I'm so ready for the next chapter in my life to begin...but it seems like I'm stuck in neutral instead..I get so frustrated with myself for wanting things that seem so unreachable right now, but isn't that what we are supposed to do with our lives? From a young age we are asked repetitively, "what do you want to be when you grow up? where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15, 20 years? where are you going to go to college? what are you going to do after college? where is your life going?" all of these questions are shoved in our faces the moment we are old enough to answer them, which is basically when we learn to talk! It is no wonder we are so hell-bent to focus on our futures, instead of our present lives..
I have so many feelings welling up inside of me, I feel like I'm going to explode..So this was the only way I knew to prevent that..lol..I'm going to make a change, I'm going to do my best to embrace my life the way it is right now...while I want to have all of those things I mentioned earlier, it is just impossible to have them right now, just like it is impossible for me to have a guy in my life right now..but that is a completely different conversation and blog..for now I'm going to stop ranting and just take some time to readjust...I have to admit that having this blog really helps...I also like knowing that only my close friend knows that it exists..It is comforting to know that she won't think I'm crazy like some people do..
Well I feel better..Thanks for listening to my ranting, and if you didn't make it through to the end, it's okay, I completely understand! lol! =D I really do feel better now..
I believe it has been awhile since I have written on here. And now I am officially able to write about anything and everything I want to! I am so excited to have the freedom to write about whatever I want to without having to answer to a professor about it..
Tonight the biggest subject I want to talk about is my life after college..As most of you know I graduated in May 2011 and I haven't looked back since..(okay, so maybe I've looked back a couple of times and had a few peeks in my rear view mirror as well..but that's it I promise!) The truth is, life after college hasn't been what I thought it was going to be at all! I've done really well with my job searches, devoting a portion of every single day to searching and applying for jobs..which is really exhausting when there isn't very many jobs to choose from right now..I really don't want to be one of those English majors with those shirts that says, "I'm an English major...Do you want fries with that?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing anyone that works in the fast food industry, I just don't want to prove some of my family members right by going through 5 years of college just to end up with a minimum wage job, making less than they do...trust me I know that they are just trying to make themselves feel better for not going to college, but their words still have weight..
To explain, I have been told that getting a degree and building up all of those student loans was just plain ridiculous because that degree is no guarantee that I will get a job that is better than what other people have who didn't go to college...I am so ready to become the adult that I am supposed to be, I want a place of my own, I want to have my own responsibilities and be able to buy my own groceries and the things that I want...I'm so ready for the next chapter in my life to begin...but it seems like I'm stuck in neutral instead..I get so frustrated with myself for wanting things that seem so unreachable right now, but isn't that what we are supposed to do with our lives? From a young age we are asked repetitively, "what do you want to be when you grow up? where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15, 20 years? where are you going to go to college? what are you going to do after college? where is your life going?" all of these questions are shoved in our faces the moment we are old enough to answer them, which is basically when we learn to talk! It is no wonder we are so hell-bent to focus on our futures, instead of our present lives..
I have so many feelings welling up inside of me, I feel like I'm going to explode..So this was the only way I knew to prevent that..lol..I'm going to make a change, I'm going to do my best to embrace my life the way it is right now...while I want to have all of those things I mentioned earlier, it is just impossible to have them right now, just like it is impossible for me to have a guy in my life right now..but that is a completely different conversation and blog..for now I'm going to stop ranting and just take some time to readjust...I have to admit that having this blog really helps...I also like knowing that only my close friend knows that it exists..It is comforting to know that she won't think I'm crazy like some people do..
Well I feel better..Thanks for listening to my ranting, and if you didn't make it through to the end, it's okay, I completely understand! lol! =D I really do feel better now..
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