Making Mistakes

I'm back great cyber world! =)

My life troubles haven't changed that much since I last blogged in December. The biggest difference is that I quit my part time job and managed to get an interview for my first "big girl" job...Long story short, I got the job and then the morning of my first day I got such a gut-wrenching bad feeling that I started and literally couldn't stop crying all day long.

I have never felt such a powerful feeling like that...Sure, I've had that warning before, it's that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you're doing something wrong or something you know you really shouldn't do but you do it anyway and then of course you regret it...but this feeling was 1 million times stronger than that...It was so powerful I was literally terrified of something completely unknown and unseen...Even after I called and told my newest boss that I wouldn't be coming in and that I had just "changed my mind" I still felt that feeling..

I think it took my body awhile to realize that I had listened to the warning it had been giving, because once I made the call I was able to calm down some, but then I had to deal with the emotions of making the choice I had. I knew no one would understand why I did what I did, but isn't that the way life goes? You make a decision that best suits your life and then the majority of your friends and family stand there shaking their heads at you wondering why the hell you made that choice? My family and friends are convinced that I made a mistake and that I will ultimately come to regret my decision, but I honestly disagree. If this was something so right for me, then why was every single fiber of my being telling me that it was wrong? No, it was MORE than wrong...

I will be the first one to admit that this was a golden opportunity. It was the first 40+ hours a week job I had been offered, and it would have been an amazing chance to gain some real world experience. But no matter how fantastic the opportunity or how great the prize was I simply couldn't ignore that gut feeling, I couldn't ignore what my instincts were telling me. So now, like I said, I am dealing with the repercussions of my choices...My family doesn't understand and I am so sick of having to explain myself that I just want to hide in a closet.. =) (within reason of course! lol!)

So I've come to the new thought that our instincts/gut feelings that we each and all get at different points has a language that only we as individuals can understand. It is something that no matter how we try to explain it to others, the explanation simply gets lost in translation. It is an issue that can easily develop into a problem for some of our relationships and friendships, but just like when we struggle to understand someone visiting from another country, a little compassion, empathy and patience can help to bridge the gap, even if we don't always fully grasp the meaning...

Until Next Time.

XOXO,
Julia