Hello fellow bloggers,
I am writing to you from stormy Georgia this evening...I am spending a long weekend and a first time vacation with a friend here...there is just one strange thing, I am totally and completely uncomfortable! =S
This should come as no surprise to me, I am always uncomfortable in strange/unknown places, the thing that bothers me the most tonight is my irrational desire to cry because of that "out of place" feeling...Everyone is friendly and very inviting, but there is still something lacking in everything I say and do around them...I'm absolutely terrified that I am going to put my foot in my mouth and embarass myself in front of my generous hosts and my friend! Never in my life has a vacation been so stressful...
I really wish I knew why I only wanted to cry at the drop of the hat every time I take a minute to think about home...I am losing my marbles it feels like.. BLAH!! If I don't get over this soon I am going to be very unhappy!! lol! (as if I'm not already, duh.. hence the tears!!) oh well, I guess I am going to have to eventually embrace the fact that I am not a normal human being and that I have always been and will always be a freak of nature for the rest of my life! hahaha! I have suddenly realized in my exhausted state why I haven't been successful in my search for Mr. Right, I am a freak of nature, therefore, nobody is interested! hahaha!! I guess I'll just have to find someone equally freaky! ;-)
Well, this is going to be goodnight for now.. I am uber tired!
Sweet dreams everyone!
XOXO,
Julia
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Keep on Keepin' On...
Hello again,
I am doing the very best that I can to stay busy and not dwell on the fact that my due date for student loans is gradually getting closer and that I still have yet to hear back from any of the "real" jobs that I have applied for...I have to admit that it is a genuine struggle to not let the impending date loom over my head like a giant boulder just waiting to mash me into the ground, but I'm doing the best I can by planning fun events with really good friends. I'm looking forward to the prospect of going to GA with a friend to visit some girlfriends that she has down there, it will be the first real road trip I have ever been on without my family..In fact, aside from youth group trips when I was in high school, this will be the first real trip/vacation I have had since I was 6 or 7 years old...I went to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN when I was 12, but that was with my family for my brothers 16th birthday so I don't really class that as a vacation.
As of now I'm still struggling with the fact that my life is no different now than it was when I was in high school...I am dying to have freedom with my life and the ability to have my own place, but I'm still realizing that I'm not in that place just yet...I mentioned this the other day, but it is still in the back of my mind...I also mentioned the fact that I don't really have time for a guy in my life, but that isn't really the case either...I tell myself that I don't have the time, when in all reality I just don't have anyone interested in me right now..I can't really blame them, I don't really see myself as much of a catch right now..maybe if I wasn't living at home, without a job I would honestly be more of a catch to someone...oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait for that too...
The idea that I have to wait for everything to come to my life really bites...I find myself dreading being in this place...It reminds me of "the waiting place" in Dr. Suess' "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" The "waiting place" always seemed like the worse place to be, but somehow without even wanting or intending to end up there I have managed to be detoured there anyway...Believe me, you do NOT want to end up here in the "waiting place" it isn't fun at all...However, if you do end up here you may want to see if I'm still here, so look me up..lol! No, honestly if you find yourself in the waiting place like I have, take a little time to feel bad about it, because if you don't you'll never figure out how to get yourself out of this place to begin with..Once you've felt genuinely bad about it, you can then pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and figure out what to do to get out of it...I'm still on that journey, I'm blinded searching for a way out, I'm trying to find the place with "boom-bands" playing, but I haven't gotten there yet.. =) I'll let you know if it works out for me or not..
For now, I'm content to keep on keepin on...or as someone else might put it I'm going to keep on truckin until I find where I'm supposed to be...I have to admit this blog helps, it gives me someone to tell this to..most of you don't know who I am and those of you who do know me don't really care to let me rant and rave...Thanks for that...until next time...
I am doing the very best that I can to stay busy and not dwell on the fact that my due date for student loans is gradually getting closer and that I still have yet to hear back from any of the "real" jobs that I have applied for...I have to admit that it is a genuine struggle to not let the impending date loom over my head like a giant boulder just waiting to mash me into the ground, but I'm doing the best I can by planning fun events with really good friends. I'm looking forward to the prospect of going to GA with a friend to visit some girlfriends that she has down there, it will be the first real road trip I have ever been on without my family..In fact, aside from youth group trips when I was in high school, this will be the first real trip/vacation I have had since I was 6 or 7 years old...I went to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN when I was 12, but that was with my family for my brothers 16th birthday so I don't really class that as a vacation.
As of now I'm still struggling with the fact that my life is no different now than it was when I was in high school...I am dying to have freedom with my life and the ability to have my own place, but I'm still realizing that I'm not in that place just yet...I mentioned this the other day, but it is still in the back of my mind...I also mentioned the fact that I don't really have time for a guy in my life, but that isn't really the case either...I tell myself that I don't have the time, when in all reality I just don't have anyone interested in me right now..I can't really blame them, I don't really see myself as much of a catch right now..maybe if I wasn't living at home, without a job I would honestly be more of a catch to someone...oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait for that too...
The idea that I have to wait for everything to come to my life really bites...I find myself dreading being in this place...It reminds me of "the waiting place" in Dr. Suess' "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" The "waiting place" always seemed like the worse place to be, but somehow without even wanting or intending to end up there I have managed to be detoured there anyway...Believe me, you do NOT want to end up here in the "waiting place" it isn't fun at all...However, if you do end up here you may want to see if I'm still here, so look me up..lol! No, honestly if you find yourself in the waiting place like I have, take a little time to feel bad about it, because if you don't you'll never figure out how to get yourself out of this place to begin with..Once you've felt genuinely bad about it, you can then pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and figure out what to do to get out of it...I'm still on that journey, I'm blinded searching for a way out, I'm trying to find the place with "boom-bands" playing, but I haven't gotten there yet.. =) I'll let you know if it works out for me or not..
For now, I'm content to keep on keepin on...or as someone else might put it I'm going to keep on truckin until I find where I'm supposed to be...I have to admit this blog helps, it gives me someone to tell this to..most of you don't know who I am and those of you who do know me don't really care to let me rant and rave...Thanks for that...until next time...
Monday, June 20, 2011
Guess Whose Back!!
Hey all you blog followers out there...I'm back!! =D
I believe it has been awhile since I have written on here. And now I am officially able to write about anything and everything I want to! I am so excited to have the freedom to write about whatever I want to without having to answer to a professor about it..
Tonight the biggest subject I want to talk about is my life after college..As most of you know I graduated in May 2011 and I haven't looked back since..(okay, so maybe I've looked back a couple of times and had a few peeks in my rear view mirror as well..but that's it I promise!) The truth is, life after college hasn't been what I thought it was going to be at all! I've done really well with my job searches, devoting a portion of every single day to searching and applying for jobs..which is really exhausting when there isn't very many jobs to choose from right now..I really don't want to be one of those English majors with those shirts that says, "I'm an English major...Do you want fries with that?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing anyone that works in the fast food industry, I just don't want to prove some of my family members right by going through 5 years of college just to end up with a minimum wage job, making less than they do...trust me I know that they are just trying to make themselves feel better for not going to college, but their words still have weight..
To explain, I have been told that getting a degree and building up all of those student loans was just plain ridiculous because that degree is no guarantee that I will get a job that is better than what other people have who didn't go to college...I am so ready to become the adult that I am supposed to be, I want a place of my own, I want to have my own responsibilities and be able to buy my own groceries and the things that I want...I'm so ready for the next chapter in my life to begin...but it seems like I'm stuck in neutral instead..I get so frustrated with myself for wanting things that seem so unreachable right now, but isn't that what we are supposed to do with our lives? From a young age we are asked repetitively, "what do you want to be when you grow up? where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15, 20 years? where are you going to go to college? what are you going to do after college? where is your life going?" all of these questions are shoved in our faces the moment we are old enough to answer them, which is basically when we learn to talk! It is no wonder we are so hell-bent to focus on our futures, instead of our present lives..
I have so many feelings welling up inside of me, I feel like I'm going to explode..So this was the only way I knew to prevent that..lol..I'm going to make a change, I'm going to do my best to embrace my life the way it is right now...while I want to have all of those things I mentioned earlier, it is just impossible to have them right now, just like it is impossible for me to have a guy in my life right now..but that is a completely different conversation and blog..for now I'm going to stop ranting and just take some time to readjust...I have to admit that having this blog really helps...I also like knowing that only my close friend knows that it exists..It is comforting to know that she won't think I'm crazy like some people do..
Well I feel better..Thanks for listening to my ranting, and if you didn't make it through to the end, it's okay, I completely understand! lol! =D I really do feel better now..
I believe it has been awhile since I have written on here. And now I am officially able to write about anything and everything I want to! I am so excited to have the freedom to write about whatever I want to without having to answer to a professor about it..
Tonight the biggest subject I want to talk about is my life after college..As most of you know I graduated in May 2011 and I haven't looked back since..(okay, so maybe I've looked back a couple of times and had a few peeks in my rear view mirror as well..but that's it I promise!) The truth is, life after college hasn't been what I thought it was going to be at all! I've done really well with my job searches, devoting a portion of every single day to searching and applying for jobs..which is really exhausting when there isn't very many jobs to choose from right now..I really don't want to be one of those English majors with those shirts that says, "I'm an English major...Do you want fries with that?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing anyone that works in the fast food industry, I just don't want to prove some of my family members right by going through 5 years of college just to end up with a minimum wage job, making less than they do...trust me I know that they are just trying to make themselves feel better for not going to college, but their words still have weight..
To explain, I have been told that getting a degree and building up all of those student loans was just plain ridiculous because that degree is no guarantee that I will get a job that is better than what other people have who didn't go to college...I am so ready to become the adult that I am supposed to be, I want a place of my own, I want to have my own responsibilities and be able to buy my own groceries and the things that I want...I'm so ready for the next chapter in my life to begin...but it seems like I'm stuck in neutral instead..I get so frustrated with myself for wanting things that seem so unreachable right now, but isn't that what we are supposed to do with our lives? From a young age we are asked repetitively, "what do you want to be when you grow up? where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15, 20 years? where are you going to go to college? what are you going to do after college? where is your life going?" all of these questions are shoved in our faces the moment we are old enough to answer them, which is basically when we learn to talk! It is no wonder we are so hell-bent to focus on our futures, instead of our present lives..
I have so many feelings welling up inside of me, I feel like I'm going to explode..So this was the only way I knew to prevent that..lol..I'm going to make a change, I'm going to do my best to embrace my life the way it is right now...while I want to have all of those things I mentioned earlier, it is just impossible to have them right now, just like it is impossible for me to have a guy in my life right now..but that is a completely different conversation and blog..for now I'm going to stop ranting and just take some time to readjust...I have to admit that having this blog really helps...I also like knowing that only my close friend knows that it exists..It is comforting to know that she won't think I'm crazy like some people do..
Well I feel better..Thanks for listening to my ranting, and if you didn't make it through to the end, it's okay, I completely understand! lol! =D I really do feel better now..
Friday, April 15, 2011
Final Tolkien Friday Class *Sigh*
Well...it is finally official...the semester is ending and that means the official end of my college career! I will be graduating May 9th...I'm still in shock, it is one of those circumstances where you know that it will end eventually, but when the end finally arrives you are surprised that it is here...(no matter how long you've been in school!)
I was looking forward to the very last Tolkien class today. I was greatly anticipating the conversation about Beren and Luthien. (Awesome story) and to my shock, disappointment and uncertain happiness the class was cancelled. *sigh* I was happy just because it was a knee-jerk reaction for any senior to celebrate when they hear a class has been cancelled, even if it is a class that they enjoy! As soon as I expressed my happiness I was immediately ashamed and to be honest sad. It hit me that there would be know more awesome discussions about J.R.R. Tolkien and that my awesome class for the semester had actually come to a 'faster than the speed of light' end. It never fails that the classes you don't want to end, end way too soon and the ones you want to end, take forever to get everything finalized.
Now the only thing left for me to do with my Tolkien class is take the final (which is open book and online) and then finish up my 12 page paper on Gollum! I've thoroughly enjoyed the class and even if you can't tell it from my ramblings on this blog...I've learned a lot...
Until Next Time *My Precious*
XOXO,
Julia
I was looking forward to the very last Tolkien class today. I was greatly anticipating the conversation about Beren and Luthien. (Awesome story) and to my shock, disappointment and uncertain happiness the class was cancelled. *sigh* I was happy just because it was a knee-jerk reaction for any senior to celebrate when they hear a class has been cancelled, even if it is a class that they enjoy! As soon as I expressed my happiness I was immediately ashamed and to be honest sad. It hit me that there would be know more awesome discussions about J.R.R. Tolkien and that my awesome class for the semester had actually come to a 'faster than the speed of light' end. It never fails that the classes you don't want to end, end way too soon and the ones you want to end, take forever to get everything finalized.
Now the only thing left for me to do with my Tolkien class is take the final (which is open book and online) and then finish up my 12 page paper on Gollum! I've thoroughly enjoyed the class and even if you can't tell it from my ramblings on this blog...I've learned a lot...
Until Next Time *My Precious*
XOXO,
Julia
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Silmarillion
So it is Saturday! The topic for discussion in yesterday's class was The Silmarillion or as I like to call it, the Tolkien Bible...That is because the first 150 pages of this book really reads like the Bible...However, the subjcet matter is all about the creation of Middle-Earth and all of the beings that live there.
I have to admit that the content is very complex, because there is a lot of explanation regarding family lines and how different races were created, but it is still extremely fascinating to me...Once you get past the initial confusion and really start to focus on what the content is saying, it becomes pretty interesting.
I find it fascinating that Tolkien wrote this before the Hobbit or LOTR books. It shows just how detailed his thoughts and ideas about the world and characters were. As an aspiring writer I find his abilities and talents to create not only a mythical world that seems so really, but along with it languages that can really be spoken and a history that can really be traced, are truly remarkable. He is a genius in every sense of the word and I find myself so envious of him. And yet he seemed humble, telling in a letter that all stories end up in the same place eventually, lining the wastepaper basket! (I don't know if his comments were truthful or if he was being snarky, which he could've been...How could he NOT have known what kind of masterpiece he had compiled?) Whether he was being honest or not, I find myself in unending awe of him and I wish I could be like him...but who doesn't wish that??
Anyway, back to the Silmarillion...We will be discussing the second part of the book next week..Which should be more exciting, because this half reads more like a story or narrative. It also tells about Beren and Luthien (these are the names Tolkien had engraved on his and his wife's headstones...so romantic!) which is an epic love story, of the first human and elf couple..I'm really excited and can't wait to finish up with these stories!
Until Then..
XOXO,
Julia
I have to admit that the content is very complex, because there is a lot of explanation regarding family lines and how different races were created, but it is still extremely fascinating to me...Once you get past the initial confusion and really start to focus on what the content is saying, it becomes pretty interesting.
I find it fascinating that Tolkien wrote this before the Hobbit or LOTR books. It shows just how detailed his thoughts and ideas about the world and characters were. As an aspiring writer I find his abilities and talents to create not only a mythical world that seems so really, but along with it languages that can really be spoken and a history that can really be traced, are truly remarkable. He is a genius in every sense of the word and I find myself so envious of him. And yet he seemed humble, telling in a letter that all stories end up in the same place eventually, lining the wastepaper basket! (I don't know if his comments were truthful or if he was being snarky, which he could've been...How could he NOT have known what kind of masterpiece he had compiled?) Whether he was being honest or not, I find myself in unending awe of him and I wish I could be like him...but who doesn't wish that??
Anyway, back to the Silmarillion...We will be discussing the second part of the book next week..Which should be more exciting, because this half reads more like a story or narrative. It also tells about Beren and Luthien (these are the names Tolkien had engraved on his and his wife's headstones...so romantic!) which is an epic love story, of the first human and elf couple..I'm really excited and can't wait to finish up with these stories!
Until Then..
XOXO,
Julia
Monday, April 4, 2011
LOTR
I'm a little behind on that second blog for Friday, but got a little sidetracked...
The discussion on Friday covered all three books in the LOTR Trilogy. The biggest things discussed was the character of Gollum. Whether or not his tumble into the fires of Mount Doom was really an accident or him unconsciously knowing that he had to destroy himself and the Ring if he wanted to keep it forever. This discussion had some back and forths to it. Some believed that it was entirely accidental, (I was one of them) because in my mind without the "accident" of him falling it wouldn't have been a providential occurrence and Gollum would've been a martyr. Tolkien doesn't want Gollum to be seen as a martyr, or at least I don't think he does, because in Tolkien's mind Gollum was a damnable creature that made all of his decisions based on selfish reasons.
This dicussion led to another interesting question. Was Gollum redeemed in the end of the story for being the one to destory the Ring? I have to admit at first I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but the more I thought about how Tolkien felt about his own character, the more I decided that Gollum probably wasn't redeemed for his choices in the end, because he didn't want to be and because he wasn't really in a state of mind to be redeemed. He was happy because he had the Ring and he wasn't really thinking about anything else in that moment.
The third and final thing discussed was this...Who was the hero of the story? Was it Frodo, Sam, Gollum, Aragorn, Gandalf?? Who did you think the true hero was? And that question is what I leave for anyone out there reading this to ponder...Who do you think the hero is?
This Friday is the Silmarillion...should be interesting..
Until Then.
XOXO,
Julia
The discussion on Friday covered all three books in the LOTR Trilogy. The biggest things discussed was the character of Gollum. Whether or not his tumble into the fires of Mount Doom was really an accident or him unconsciously knowing that he had to destroy himself and the Ring if he wanted to keep it forever. This discussion had some back and forths to it. Some believed that it was entirely accidental, (I was one of them) because in my mind without the "accident" of him falling it wouldn't have been a providential occurrence and Gollum would've been a martyr. Tolkien doesn't want Gollum to be seen as a martyr, or at least I don't think he does, because in Tolkien's mind Gollum was a damnable creature that made all of his decisions based on selfish reasons.
This dicussion led to another interesting question. Was Gollum redeemed in the end of the story for being the one to destory the Ring? I have to admit at first I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but the more I thought about how Tolkien felt about his own character, the more I decided that Gollum probably wasn't redeemed for his choices in the end, because he didn't want to be and because he wasn't really in a state of mind to be redeemed. He was happy because he had the Ring and he wasn't really thinking about anything else in that moment.
The third and final thing discussed was this...Who was the hero of the story? Was it Frodo, Sam, Gollum, Aragorn, Gandalf?? Who did you think the true hero was? And that question is what I leave for anyone out there reading this to ponder...Who do you think the hero is?
This Friday is the Silmarillion...should be interesting..
Until Then.
XOXO,
Julia
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Little Tolkien Fun
Hello All...
I am going to be writing 2 blogs...This one is just for fun since I missed writing this past Friday. (It was Spring Break!) Anyway...I was recently sent a video that I thought was so funny and so much fun, that I had to share it with everyone else.
I hope it doesn't offend and major Tolkien fans, because I really like Tolkien too, but I just really liked this video also. I don't think it does any real harm, it just pokes fun at the Lord of the Rings.
With that said..I hope you get a laugh or at the very least a smile from this. I know I did!
--Julia
I am going to be writing 2 blogs...This one is just for fun since I missed writing this past Friday. (It was Spring Break!) Anyway...I was recently sent a video that I thought was so funny and so much fun, that I had to share it with everyone else.
I hope it doesn't offend and major Tolkien fans, because I really like Tolkien too, but I just really liked this video also. I don't think it does any real harm, it just pokes fun at the Lord of the Rings.
With that said..I hope you get a laugh or at the very least a smile from this. I know I did!
--Julia
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